Today was rough.  I took this picture this morning (and despite how it may look, they asked me to take it.)  It pretty much sums up this day.  In a word, it sucked.

Let’s just say that one of my lovely children kicked a hole in the wall during a tantrum.  That’s when you know you’ve had a bad day.  That was just one of many, many ugly outbursts today, and I’ll be honest, I had a handful of ugly outbursts myself.  Ugh.  I just want to erase this day.

Sometimes I debate whether or not I should put the crappy stuff on my blog or just keep it all happy.  But then I feel fake because it sure isn’t sunshine and roses every day.  I had this whole plan to blog about Camryn being a month old and post a few cute picture.  I was going to leave out the part where Derek came home from work to find me in tears, locked in my room with two of the three kids while the other was banished to his room.  Some of the tears were because of  the kids, and some were because my pot roast was not good and the potatoes I pulled out of the fridge to cook were rotten and I felt like dinner (the first dinner I’ve cooked in forever) was ruined.  And then when I have a bad day, every negative thing anyone has ever said to me runs through my mind on repeat, and as hard as I try to not believe it, and as much as I tell myself satan is just trying to get me where he knows he can by filling me with insecurity, I can’t get it to stop.  I’m a bad mom.  I’m failing at this.  It’s my fault.  People don’t like me.  People don’t like my kids.  And on and on it goes.  The insecurity is stifling.

I wonder if it will ever go away.

(Confession: Sometimes I write blogs like this and then don’t publish them because I feel naked, and I worry about what people are going to think of me.  I must be feeling brave tonight.)